I suffered from childhood trauma starting from an early age of 9. I had experienced the death of a close family member and I was constantly bullied at school. By the age of 12, I was so deeply hurt that I turned to cigarettes and alcohol. I became heavily addicted to these substances along with fast food, junk food, instant food, soda, energy drinks, milkshakes, and sweets.
I struggled with extreme self-esteem and self-hatred issues.
I was depressed and suicidal.
In 2011, I decided to get breast implants thinking they were going to solve all of my problems and that I was finally going to be comfortable in my own skin. Little did I know, the root of the problem was still there.
Soon after the surgery, I was exposed to black mold in the apartment I was living in. I felt off, something was just not right. I told the superintendent I felt sick from the mold on my ceiling and he told me it was all in my head. He painted over it but it continued to mold right back up again. I developed acne, hives, digestive issues, migraines, eczema, joint aches, nausea, insomnia, chronic fatigue, TMJ, etc. You name it, I had it. I had to eventually quit my job from being so sick all the time. Great. Now I was sick AND broke.
After seeing countless doctors and being on tons of medication (antibiotics, antacids, corticosteroids, and more), nobody knew what was wrong with me. They all treated me like a hypochondriac. I finally saw an allergist who tested me for food allergies and I tested positive for more than 70 different types of food. What the heck. No wonder I was hiving like crazy. I was also allergic to cats, dogs, dust, dust mites, trees, grass, tobacco, and more.
One day, I randomly watched a health documentary on Netflix called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and I felt like I was watching myself. I went back to the allergist and asked him to test me for an autoimmune disease. This is how I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis at the age of 22. Not knowing what or who a Hashimoto was, I went home and bawled my eyes out. At the same time, I was so relieved and grateful to finally know what was causing me to be this sick. See, I wasn’t crazy after all!
I spent the next several years tirelessly learning and researching about my autoimmune disease. During my research, I was exposed to the shocking truth about the food industry, big pharma, vaccines, and the lies we were constantly being fed. My eyes were opened to the truth and there was no going back. I had to unlearn everything that I thought I knew about health and relearn it the right way.
I started to apply everything that I learned. I made diet and lifestyle changes and saw most of my symptoms improve or disappear almost immediately without the use of any medications.
- Why weren’t these natural or alternative treatments more readily available?
- Why weren’t they talked about or being recommended?
- Why were people who were trying to share this information being silenced?
I quickly learned that there was no money in preventing disease. On the other hand, there was a ton of money to be made off of illnesses, such as cancer. That couldn’t be the case…or could it?
In 2015, I decided to take my passion (or obsession, whatever you wanna call it) and go back to school to become a holistic health coach. It was a huge commitment because I struggled with cognitive issues. I couldn’t even come up with a sentence, let alone a word at times. I was also very fearful that I was going to waste my boyfriend (now husband) and sister’s money.
During one of the mind body classes, the speaker was talking about trauma. I started to feel very uncomfortable. Why was I feeling this way over incidences that happened over a decade ago? Before I knew it, I had flashbacks of all my past traumas. It was as if I was going through all of them, all over again for the first time.
It was in that moment of defeat that I lifted up a prayer of surrender. I asked the Lord to be in control of my life and heal my sicknesses because I could no longer do this myself. In that moment, He showed me that I was writing something.
During the next 2 days, it was supernaturally revealed to me that my sickness was directly linked to my past traumas. My breast implants were making me ill. It hit me. I finally understood what the root cause of my sickness was.
You see, autoimmune is a disease where the immune system attacks the body's own healthy tissues.
The self-hatred I had been struggling with for over 10 years was manifesting itself as an illness. I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to get these foreign objects out of my body ASAP. After doing some research, I found out that I didn’t have many choices. I had to travel out of state for my explant since there weren’t too many doctors who specialized in this procedure. But how were we going to come up with the funds? Hubs and I just recently got married and we were struggling financially.
Where we lack in faith, God doesn’t. He is faithful.
I felt a strong prompting on my heart to start a gofundme. But I struggled with pride. Although I so desperately wanted to get better, I didn’t want to ask others for help. But I started to write anyways. I sat there trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I rewrote the entire thing a million times. The entire process took me about a month. But then I remembered the Lord showing me that image of me writing something. Previously I thought He was leading me to blog about overcoming traumas but in that exact moment, I knew wholeheartedly that He was with me every step of the way, that He was the one guiding me, and that He was going to heal me.
I was filled with faith and was able to finish writing the gofundme with confidence. Within 3 days of posting the fundraiser, I reached my goal of $15k. To see the full story, click here.
Since then I have explanted and learned to appreciate and love myself. I have never been this comfortable in my own skin (explant scars and all.) I finally knew what true beauty meant. It meant nourishing yourself and being happy and healthy on a deep spiritual and emotional level. It wasn’t about looking perfect or having certain sized breasts. I also learned through this process that we must guard our hearts.
It was only through the deep pain and suffering that I am able to experience such great joy.
I have never experienced this much freedom in my life. Every little thing I am able to achieve or overcome (like eating certain foods again) is a huge victory for me and I am so grateful for this new outlook on life.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH SELF-LOVE OR CHRONIC ILLNESS, THIS MESSAGE IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. I SHARE THIS ALL FOR YOU. TO SHOW YOU THAT THERE IS HOPE IN JESUS. I KNOW IT’S HARD BUT HANG IN THERE. THE CREATOR OF THIS UNIVERSE LOVES YOU. YOU WERE UNIQUELY CREATED JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. LET YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS TO YOURSELF REFLECT THAT LOVE. SPEAK HEALING OVER YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE WORTHY TO BE LOVED. YOU ARE WORTHY OF GOOD HEALTH.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
In His love,
Taken from my wellness blog - Originally published 11/07/2016